I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
