The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
