We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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