So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
