Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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