Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
