Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
