Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
