Umm I'm too high to move.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
