For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
