On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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