This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
