I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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