Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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