I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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