Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
