I will die if light touches me.
where am i from again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
