And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
