so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize