Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
