i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize