Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
