Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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