i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
