is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
