Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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