Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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