honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
