well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
