When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
