After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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