I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
