i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
