I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
