i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
