Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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