Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
