I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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