she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
