Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
