If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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