I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
