who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
