I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize