it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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