I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
