I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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