Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
