It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
