my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
