he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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