Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sex in a hospital.. check
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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