I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
