It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
