the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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