Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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