There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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