Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
