hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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