i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
