What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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