I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize