You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
