I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
