Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
