oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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