my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
