Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
