so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
