I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize