Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
