just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
