I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
