My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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