ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
