the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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