we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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