She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize